Your Beliefs Can Slam the Brakes on Your Love Life

Dating and living single can be tough and if you're having trouble attracting the right kind of partner or even attracting a date, your beliefs could be putting the brakes on your love life.

So many of us have been hurt by past relationships that a part of honestly questions whether or not it's worth getting involved again. After all, what if it happens again? Nobody wants to be rejected and nobody wants to feel they are alone in the world. It's a pretty profound dilemma..."Should I put myself out there and risk getting my heart broken again or should I resign myself to a life alone?" Honestly, neither choice sounds too appealing but what you need to examine is why it's easier to believe that the next relationship will bring heartache like the others than it is to believe that the next one will bring you decades of bliss.

My experience has been that most people carry around a lot of baggage from past relationships. There are so many fears and worries that what happened "last time" will happen again and though there is reason to shy away from the possibility of another painful break up, the simple fact is the past doesn't dictate the future. The relationship you will be entering into next will not be (most likely) with the same person you broke up with before. This is a new person with new qualities, ideas, beliefs, values, desires, etc. To project the last relationship onto this one is to immediately doom it to fail. Even though it can be hard to do, you have to stop assuming and expecting and, instead, begin seeing this relationship for what it truly is and not what you're afraid it will turn out to be.

You have to realize that the next person isn't the last one. In other words, just because your last boyfriend or girlfriend, husband or wife hurt you or mistreated you doesn't mean the next person you get involved with will do the same. Remember, everyone is different so it's unfair and unrealistic to generalize like so many people do.

Be open to the person you will meet next or might have already met. Give him or her a fair chance without judgments and see where it takes you. It's difficult and scary but if you ever hope to have a chance at a relationship, you must be willing to see the next person you date for who he or she is rather than what you're afraid they'll turn out to be.

The Real Reason Change is so Hard

Many people are desperate for change and yet they never seem to achieve it. It isn’t that they don’t try and it’s certainly not that they’re lazy. After all, they read books, attend classes, and visit experts but, in the end, they don’t realize their goal. So what’s going on to keep these people from getting to where they want to go?

The fundamental problem is they feel powerless. We’ve all been brought up to believe we aren’t capable enough or smart enough or worthy enough, etc. so we go to other people that we perceive as being capable, smart or worthy and we expect these people to make the change for us. We think the doctor, therapist, minister, counselor, teacher, or guru can do something to us that will bring about some fantastic transformation but the simple truth is nobody can ever change you. All change comes from within. These people might assist in the changes made by providing medication or surgical procedures that place our body in a healthier state so it can heal or providing tools and techniques to help us through a difficult or confusing time but none of them do the changing for us. In fact, all of these people have “problem” clients/patients that aren’t willing to go along with the recommendations made and, naturally, these clients/patients don’t improve very much, if at all.

The most important person you can ever believe in is you. You have the power to change your life and if you don’t see yourself as possessing that power, you will spend a lifetime chasing experts and techniques looking for the “right one” that will make all the changes for you. Ask yourself right now, “Do I have the ability, in and of myself, to make this change happen?” If you answer no, then make a list of all the reasons you don’t think you can and seriously examine them, then start changing them because it’s these beliefs that are holding you back. Only when you really believe you can accomplish your goal will any amount of knowledge or assistance be helpful to you. Trust me, I know. I used to chase information all the time. I spent 2 years looking for the “right technique” until I finally got the message that I already had everything I needed; I just had to start actually using it.

What’s the biggest lie you’ve ever been told? It’s that you are limited and incapable. You can achieve anything you want but you have to know that you can have it and that you deserve it. No matter where you’ve been or what you’ve done, you have the ability and the right to create a wonderful life and that creative process originates inside you, not outside. Looking for outside sources of permission or inspiration is a fast road to failure. After all, that’s what you’ve been doing all this time and you are any really closer to your goal? If you want a new technique that really works, try finding your source of strength, inspiration and guidance inside rather than outside. When you come from that internal source, the appropriate assistance such as books, seminars, techniques, teachers etc. will find you rather than you having to chase after them. Then, finally, the process of change can be simple.