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Dating and living single can be tough and if you're having trouble attracting the right kind of partner or even attracting a date, your beliefs could be putting the brakes on your love life.
So many of us have been hurt by past relationships that a part of honestly questions whether or not it's worth getting involved again. After all, what if it happens again? Nobody wants to be rejected and nobody wants to feel they are alone in the world. It's a pretty profound dilemma..."Should I put myself out there and risk getting my heart broken again or should I resign myself to a life alone?" Honestly, neither choice sounds too appealing but what you need to examine is why it's easier to believe that the next relationship will bring heartache like the others than it is to believe that the next one will bring you decades of bliss.
My experience has been that most people carry around a lot of baggage from past relationships. There are so many fears and worries that what happened "last time" will happen again and though there is reason to shy away from the possibility of another painful break up, the simple fact is the past doesn't dictate the future. The relationship you will be entering into next will not be (most likely) with the same person you broke up with before. This is a new person with new qualities, ideas, beliefs, values, desires, etc. To project the last relationship onto this one is to immediately doom it to fail. Even though it can be hard to do, you have to stop assuming and expecting and, instead, begin seeing this relationship for what it truly is and not what you're afraid it will turn out to be.
You have to realize that the next person isn't the last one. In other words, just because your last boyfriend or girlfriend, husband or wife hurt you or mistreated you doesn't mean the next person you get involved with will do the same. Remember, everyone is different so it's unfair and unrealistic to generalize like so many people do.
Be open to the person you will meet next or might have already met. Give him or her a fair chance without judgments and see where it takes you. It's difficult and scary but if you ever hope to have a chance at a relationship, you must be willing to see the next person you date for who he or she is rather than what you're afraid they'll turn out to be.
1 comment:
Hi. I read your article here:
http://ezinearticles.com/?id=1280320
Re: the placebo effect
I really think you're onto something big there. You and I probably come from quite different backgrounds. I have a scientific background, am naturally skeptical, and have little time for most alternative healing approaches. Yet we can very much agree on the points you make in the article. Does this not seem somewhat rare?
In fact, it has occurred to me before that if someone wanted to put the placebo effect to use as a practice (other than the ways it already is used), they would need to set up a form of healing whose secret goal was to induce the effect. The secrecy aspect potentially contradicts the hippocratic oath; has this limited our access to it in the allopathic world?
I would be very interested to know if you have explored this before or since the article. I would love to talk to you about it.
Thanks and best wishes,
Martin
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