To Thine Own Self Be True

“To thine own self be true.” Shakespeare wrote these words over 400 years ago and their wisdom is just as valid today. The problem, though, is most of us aren’t true to ourselves. In fact, very many of us don’t even know who we really are.

Growing up, we were told to act like other people. “Strive to be like Jesus” or “Why can’t you be more like your brother or sister?” or, in my case, an entire classroom of kids were told on more than one occasion, “You should all be more like Jason.” Which, I should point out, didn’t increase my popularity any. Paradoxically, however, these same people who petition us to model ourselves after others will also tell us, “Be yourself.” In childhood, every time we would attempt to express our individuality, we were cut short. “Don’t do that!”, “Stop it!”, “Behave yourself”, “Grow up”, “Why can’t you be more like your brother?” Eventually, we lose all sense of who we actually are and our personality becomes an amalgam of characteristics we’ve modeled from other people. I’m sure you can think of examples of natural tendencies you have or used to have that were punished when you dared to freely express them.

So what is the result of this suppression? We become something other than what we really are. We pretend to be someone we’re not. We wear a patchwork mask of all the traits we’ve been taught are most acceptable by those around us. We pretend to be interested in a conversation just to be polite, we laugh at things that aren’t funny or suppress our laughter if we think it “inappropriate” to laugh. We hold back our true feelings and pretend we aren’t hurt, scared, unhappy, sad, embarrassed, turned on, in love, or overjoyed because to make those things known would be socially unacceptable; those feelings are only to be expressed in intimate company, if at all.

Think of something that is quite opposite your nature. For instance, if you’re a pacifist, think about being a warrior. If you’re a Democrat, think about being a Republican and vice versa. Try that persona on for size. Imagine what it would take for you to actually be that person, complete with emotions and thought patterns.

It would be very foreign and probably uncomfortable, wouldn’t it? Why? Because you are trying to be something that you’re not and that is always a hard thing to do. One reason so many people are so unhappy is they are trying incredibly hard to wear a mask that doesn’t fit. After years and years of this, we begin to lose track of who we were to begin with. We forget the way we used to think or feel but that doesn’t mean this side of us has gone away. It remains inside us trying desperately to get out and the more we ignore it, the harder it tries. This struggle of the natural self to shine through is felt as a sense of incompleteness or unhappiness. We begin to try and fill the void inside with things…cars, houses, clothes, jewelry, relationships, drugs, sex, money, food, etc. but no matter how many things we acquire, we always feel the need for more. Think about this. If the things really were fulfilling, why would we need more and more of them? The answer isn’t more money or more things. The answer is to find fulfillment in yourself and that means taking the time to learn who you truly are and respect that version of yourself enough to allow it to be expressed. After all, if you’re not true to yourself, are you ever true to anyone?

Blessings,

Jason Hundley